My motto has been "to live life to the fullest without any regrets", and even when I have regrets I rationalize them as learning experiences and try not to dwell too deeply on them. Life isn't always how you want it to be though.
Some things I regret: Not telling my grandmother how much loved her and admired her strength of will. My family used to live with her after she retired. Shortly before she died she became really cranky and miserable and wouldn't brook any argument from anyone, regardless of the situation. Hated being near her or coming to visit. Out of everyone in the family I've come to realize I'm probably the most like her. The older I get and the more I learn about her, is the more I come to respect her and miss having her wisdom. REGRET #1 Thinking that an old sick woman wasn't worth my respect or attention.
I am to this day an ardent bookworm. But at least now I'm a sociable one. My mother and brother used to call me anti social for my habit of not only taking books everywhere I was going, but reading them while we were visiting other people or had guests over. Many times when my mum wanted to take me on some trip with her I would say no and then go back into whatever book I was reading. Needless to say this usually disappointed her. Took a while before I could see and then admit that I was hiding.
Truth was I really wanted to go. But I wasn't comfortable socializing with other people. It was so much easier to go off into a book and daydream about a fantastic life, not totally removed from everyday events. I wouldn't have to deal with my two left feet, or being too blunt. These bring me to REGRET #2 Letting my insecurities control how I lived.
Striving not to have any regrets has led me down a few back roads which I won't discuss here :) But I've become more the person who I dreamed about when I was young. And I did it by enjoying who I am and enjoying who other people are. I have a strong feeling that my children will do the same mistakes I did. God grant me the grace to love and trust them through all they do, even when they hurt me as I have my mum and grandmother. Give them peace.
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2 comments:
Powerful stuff Meli. Thanks for this one.
I can relate. I think sometimes I still have anti-social tendencies, and the sad part is sometimes it seems biased toward a certain "group" of people who I have not yet developed a close-enough relationship with, or if I have, they just aren't "one set of people" or do a certain set of things that has somehow become an integral part of who I am and what I like and enjoy.
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