A sigh on the breeze

You're a song I sing on the grey days, when the sky is blue and the flowers are bright.
The silence of the crowd makes your presence even more wanted, the absence that's absorbed by the whole.

Putting carts before horses

Bwoy. Now things like this I just shake my head over. So you have an institution and you expect that within a certain period of time the numbers of persons in this instituition are going to increase by a projected amount. When these persons do appear within your established time frame, why is it only months after their arrival that you realize you have a problem accommodating them. The facilities you provide them with have not increased in any way and you are in fact planning on bringing in yet more persons to meet your quota.

Now that just ain't right.

Dark Caverns

Sometimes those moments loom suddenly like a car crash. Literal waves of despair, dark and dank, overbearing. Panic threatens. All inferiorities magnified and unbalanced. Contexts changed chaotically. Some months will be fine , some months won't. So far there's never been a time where the wave lasted for more than a few minutes before the sea calmed. The waves continue coming even wih no disturbances in the area. On the whole I don't think I can be prepared even if I get a two week weather forecast. The best I hope for is to endure the ride.

New Fave

Have found a site (courtesy of my big bro) called http://www.crunchyroll.com which allows me to watch streaming videos of all my favourite animes. This is the best quality site I've seen , I mean it definitely tops everything. Literally I've been spending hours after work just sitting down and watching back to back episodes of Bleach, and when I'm finished I'll be doing the same thing for Cowboy Bebop.

CrunchyRoll Baby!!

Pounding the pavement?

So I've heard from one of the places I applied to, they filled the position the same week :S Still trying to get word from the other place. Wondering now if I should start hitting the pavement and beating the bushes. Ah well, I've always been told that good jobs are hard to find, especially if you're being picky so I shall think nothing of it.

Patriotism

What's the colour of patriotism? Some might argue it's the red of your blood, or the green of your land. Well my colour is copper. Yep bright metallic copper tone

The same colour and mineral structure as a ten or twenty five cent coin.

If you really want to support your country then use your "red money". It's legal tender and accepted anywhere they take Master card or Visa in this island.

Stop taking them for a joke. All too often I see people screwing up their faces and bitchin about the state of the economy and how the dollar depreciating every day. Well how the hell you expect the economy to get any better if you don't do your little part. Support your Jamaican products, and support your own damn currency! Money doesn't exist in a vacuum and very simply put if you throw away and scorn it on the ground it ain't going to sprout into a magical beanstalk. It has to be used and circulated and above all appreciated. You and your granny-horse-dead-cow-fat struggle so hard for di likkle money.

Tap fling it weh!

All the same U.S. dollar that you buying up like it going out of style, you think that's going to make your own dollar any stronger? No it Ain't. So stop with the terrorist activities. All you do, every time you get the coins, put it in a jar and at the end of the month jus go change it at the bank.

Build Jamaica, Save in Jamaica(n)

Sitting on the moon

You're a consummate friend and a real man's man
But you're not cocky. You don't limp, there's no swagger or machismo. Nope
None of that.
There's a bounce to your step that lifts you off the ground.
Separates you from the norm.

Carries you to the moon.
Cause that's where dreams go.
All the way up to the man in the moon.
That moon must get pretty heavy , what with all the ppl I've been sending up there lately.

mmm, well lookihere!
Seems like I'm sitting pretty high up myself,
"Yes thank you, I'd certainly love some tea Mr. Moon"
Still don't know how I got here but I'll certainly enjoy the view.

Blah

So I'm in this phase now where everything seems pretty blah. But it's all good. I've sent out two job applications so far, have settled on doing a certificate course in music in September, and have been dating someone for a couple of weeks. I have also spoken with some of my immediate family members and friends and they are supportive of my decision. I suppose its blah cause I've sorted out what my plans are and am making the steps to see them through.

Hmmm, considering that in a few months things will begin to get hectic I should really try and enjoy this "blah" period.

Because

Because you are my friend
Because I love you so
Because you said you cared for me and you'd miss me when I go

Because you took my heart
Because you read my mind
Because we know there's lots of time before we cross that line

Because I am an idler
Because I have the time
Because I feel these creative juices that I can't keep inside

Because this is a poem
Because this is a rhyme
Because I just don't have any other constructive thing to find to do at this time :D

Ponderings

What is the balance of time in the space between life and death?


Is it any easier to do good for the multitude or good for one when the price to yourself is constant?


I experience the world through my own being. Whatever other influences I allow in my life are still bound by this fact. Why then is it arrogant to think the world revolves around me?


Quis custodius custodiet?

Vague

I've started this so many times and never could complete it
The words inadequate, or melodramatic

I've said it and showed it,
pedantic, I shan't repeat it

Alma Mater

Hail Campion Hail
Faith and Courage will prevail
Truth, Integrity, Honour, Liberty
These shall never never fail

Shine Campion Shine
May you ever be a sign
That within our land we bring heart and hand
Reaching out in love and unity

Rise Campion Rise
Raise your banner to the skies
With your red and white leading to the height
Ever onward, upward rise

Sing Campion Sing
To our Island may you bring
Champions pure and bold like our saints of old
Brave and Loyal,
Hail oh Campion Hail

Sliding back, stepping forward

What a prekeh. Tings just a slide out a mi han den like mi deliberately a open mi han dem. Talk bout foot in moutitis, apparently it came along with the stuffy nose. Need to do some serious re -evaluation of self and interaction with other people. Mi glad seh tings work out the way dem work out all di same but lawwks :S It shoulda neva haffi go so.

Need to take things more seriously . On that score I need to tek mi head out of mi damn ass and get my act together. New job needed first, area not completely relevant, it's a means to an end. Next step, get into a music programme somewhere, preferably somewhere with steel pan, after that I can take the passion and make it work for me.

Also need to repeat the words "means to an end" everyday. Waiting in limbo is non productive , especially when I have no idea what it is I'm waiting for. Prioritise, strategize and renergize.

Yup the makings of a new years resolution. Step one check. Stepping forward with step two.

Happenings in my Area

Yesterday morning a woman down the road was held up at gunpoint and her car stolen. Praise the Lord!

This morning a man was shouting at the end of my street about someone's b*****cl*** . Thank you Lord!

Why I am I saying praise and thank you? Because I have seen worse things happen. The woman who got held up was not made to drive her car away from the scene of the crime, raped and threatened if she reported the incident. She did not have to spend agonizing months taking God knows how many different kinds of pills and injections to prevent an S.T.D. or an unwanted pregnancy. Nor the rage and guilt which is an inevitable part of rape. Praise the Lord only her car was stolen.

The man at the end of the road only shouted his rage. He did take it out on his children or baby mother with a 2 * 4 plank that has nails projecting at odd angles. He didn't launch miniature boulders at the object of his rage. Thank you Lord that you guided his heart and hands.

There are so many incidents like these that happen everywhere, everyday to people I see. When you see what's happening in your area, just stop and think, maybe it's not as bad as it could have been.

Thank Yous

So many persons have helped to shape me into the person I am today. Their advice and support whether negative or positive has altered the course of my life in some way, and I am grateful for that. In many instances it wasn't what was overtly done or not done as much as the way in which it was done.

At times it was nothing that affected me directly, simply my observations of how these persons behaved. The way they lived their lives and the way they affected others. Thank you for being you. For living life and for being alive.

The more I explore the world and my role in it is the more I realize that all persons are connected. The degree of separation varies but there remains the inextricable link to humanity in all aspects. To love the world is to love myself, to hate the world is to hate myself and to thank someone, is to acknowledge your connection to the whole.

Thank you.

Shadowing

Bwoy oh bwoy. Let me just put it on the record that one of the most important lessons I was taught by my section leader when I joined the band was how to shadow and shadow well. Having been involved in the performing arts for many years before joing the band I knew that whatever happened the show must go on. Above that the audience must never have a clue that something has gone awry.

When it come to my playing I put out a whole lot of effort, but yesterday it would appear that I had just learned to play pan and they threw me into the deep end with a concert. I had on my glasses to make matters worse. Usually when I perform on stage I remove them partially so they won't fall off and partially so I don't have to see the audience. Its easier to play that way. Yesterday there were no barriers. EEEK!! They could see me and worse , now I could SEE THEM :S

Anyway the show went on. Much kudos to all the persons who eventually trickled in to gives us a near to full house, still more kudos to the pannists who kept the energy flowing. Hopefully I'll give a better account of myself next time.

My favourite things

Chocolate covered brownies with chocolate fudge and chips. Ruby red lollipops. Tatoos and piercings. Hands that make mine look small. Blue skies and beaches. Total trust and comfort. Air travel. Not having a care in the world.

These are a few of My Favourite Things. What are yours?

Misled

Ignore your senses, they will betray you every time
They cannot tell the difference between friend and foe, or right and wrong
Only your mind can do that.

Do not be a slave to logic
Its certain rationality ignores the need for chaos in our lives

Achieve the balance and walk the line my friend
Walk it all the way through

(8) A girl like me(8)

Have you heard Tanya Stephens' latest song?

I'm always fascinated by the reasons people have for giving bun. Was it through neglect, the excitement of being bad, great sex? Whatever it is Ms Stephens has quite a number of songs dealing with that. Wonder what her husband's take on it is?

The return of...

Well well, it's been so long since I've last posted. I've successfully survived hell month at the office what with new students trying to get their bearings and the seemingly endless questions they have. The transition from high school to college or university is not the easiest in the world so I fully support students who bring their support group with them, be it parent, spouse SO friend, etc. What I hate seeing is an overly attentive and overbearing parent making choices for a new student. Vicarious living should only be done through magazines and movies people. Don't live your life through your child, furthermore don't try and believe you know better than they do what' they want to do.

Now there are a number of issues at work here, least of all the seventeen years or so worth of experience that many of these parents have with their children. I am sure in some cases I am merely seeing the image of innocence and frustration with a parent that a student wants me to see, when in fact he/she is the devil incarnate. There's the fact that the experience of coming to University is a big deal and the parent is not normally like this, but on that day they just seemed overbearing and will cool off later. There's the possibility that maybe all these years it really has been the parent doing all the work and the student is just a flighty bird who would end up on the streets doing coke if not strongly guided.

The flip side is that the parent has never learnt to let go of his/her image of what the precious baby should be, and truth be told, how many parents actually do completely discard their vision of what they want their children to be? Some are better than others at accepting that their children are separate beings and threat them as such. Some go businesslike, their child/ children is/are an investment which must be recouped with maximum profit and protected fiercely in a harsh environment. Looking at the bottom line what safer long term investment than medicine or law could you have? Sciences come third, Business fourth and the Arts......? well unless your 1 year plays the violin with his teeth then no. All of this accompanied by the attitude "mother knows best" is just too disgusting to watch. Maybe one day some kind of happy compromise can be reached. Maybe.

Emotional

It doesn't happen very often but when it does it disturbs my equilibrium for the entire day. The newspaper headline in the Gleaner today was "Kids die in blaze: Heroic dad jumps into flames to save three, but dies later" . I've read of children being raped and slaughtered, men and women dying through random violence and stray bullets. Not as a one off event or through civil unrest, no. Just daily life in Jamaica land we love. But this one really got me this morning.

Could have been the photo. The mother was obviously "distressed" but she wasn't down on the ground pulling off her clothes like I've seen before. Someone was standing behind her presumably giving her support, but that person wasn't looking overly upset either. Yet something in her stance or face communicated itself to me.

For the first time in years, the Gleaner lead story made me cry.

I have been numb for a long time.

Wedding Plans

One of my best friends is getting married this Saturday and I have the privilege of being her Chief Bridesmaid. Watching her go through these detailed lists of people to invite, choosing a menu, reception area, dress styles ..... it just makes me very eager to go off and elope when it's my turn to get married. Hearing her and her fiance express how tired they were and how happy they would be when it's over only reinforces this view.

I will try my hardest to keep my wedding very simple if I can't elope, which means a morning wedding, ie 10am, immediate family and close friends only read 10 friends each and family, no toasts! No church either, marry me near a river like Blue Mountain Inn , then we (bridal party and guests) spend the rest of the day lyming . Now none of this means that the wedding would be any cheaper than a traditional one like my friend is having, but hopefully we can focus on the most important part which is the fact that two ppl are here to pledge their love before God and friends and make a lifelong commitment to each other.

Hmmm, better make sure I find a boyfriend that not into no fuss and veil and heap of cake. Any takers ? :-D

Igleness

:-P :-P :-P :-P

Adios Amigo

Walk good and come back soon.

Israel = United States of America

So..... Did anyone see Big Brother U.S. coming to "defend" it's little brother Israel from that nasty bully Lebanon? mmmmm. Very masterful wasn't it.

Now I really must wonder, is it the collective influence of Jews over the years in the American political system that makes Israel so special? sort of like the Rastafarians and their
back- to -Ethiopia mindset. Or is another American territory that we just haven't heard of as yet?

My American/Israeli history is very deficient so I would appreciate a history lesson on the reason for this alliance from anyone who knows.

One month

One month until I turn 23 everyone. PLease pool your resources. I would like a pair of double tenor pans.

Off Air in 5, 4 3....

And as quickly as it started it's gone. I'll be off air after this Friday happy people, so catch your last earful of mummymel reading your papers to you while you laze in bed. I'll find out later if I'll be switching to newswriting or not. Will keep you posted :-D Ciao.

Maureen

You gave me birth but in the end I was the one you called mummy. Greay hair uncut, unkempt.Knowing that final release from vanity would be the signal of no retreat.

It wasn't a surrender though. neither total nor accepting. We'd taken our stand in the years before , suffered through their blades and chemical warfare. We rose again.

This wasn't a surrender, it was... I don't know what. It was a painful and grateful ending on my part. You got to be where you could dream without limit and smile . That beautiful smile.

We love you. Outward remembrances made internal, maybe fear of our own certain future. But there nontheless. We love you Maureen. Be free.

Blog Ring

Beyond the Beach Mummy Mel was waiting for her picnic partners to arrive. The pastry so sweet simone would bring, ice and sodas of colours blinding to the eyes. The idle one was to seek pieces of le best pan chicken that simmy said was venting near the site. It promised to be a bashment, basically a big day of feteing . Oh the stories we would tell, of me of you, never reluctant to be intellectually challenging. We chose a theme, fanatasy island, dears but quickly nixed that out. Simple reason truth be told a raven would be left out. The day went well and all was good just lyming and singing at the beach. "We'll blog and lyme and make a rhyme for all the time to come. Ain't nothing better than getting merry with pannists out for fun"

Selah!

I saw this blog post and had to include it today. Just a little reminder to all of us in the "developing nations " of where we're coming from and the need to keep presing forward with regional integration and unity.



He who stands for nothing falls for anything.

http://bashmentbasses.blogspot.com/2006/06/food-for-thought-2.html

Pansong

It’s that feel on the inside, the one next to the skin
The promise of a pleasure deep within
It’s knowing that I can or not if I choose
No one to pretend to, nothing to lose

The ting-ta-da-ding of the iron pan
A melody so sweet
Rhythm of the bass pan
Echo in my feet

Goosebumps down my back
A counterbeat a tock tock crack
No pain in this exalted place
No one to disappoint, not a single downcast face

Me on my double pan alone in the night
Learning at my own pace
Singing out of sight

Hear that insistent call of music
Against all weather or sense of time
Doing what it does so smoothly
Party for two, exclusive lyme

Satisfy my craving inhibit my yearning
For this addict life is the fuel the flame ever burning
Passion in a note satisfaction is the melody
Double pans ring out
Give me my voice my spirit flying free.

Unsaid

Dear _________ ,


Over the past year I have started noticing you . You have always been a _____ _____ but now I find you even more ________. I realize this may come as no surprise given your _____
attitude but I hope you will give my thoughts some consideration. Do not feel pressured in any way to respond to this , but know that you have my _____ _______ should you have need.


Yours _______,

Melissa Woodham

Flying Rumours

It's fantastic living in an island as small as Jamaica, where it might take years for the former monopoly telephone company to install a landline but the grapevine takes less than a second to download information.

Case in point, after leaving the panyard yesterday evening a number of cars stopped by the side of the road to offer their support to some persons who had been involved in a minor car accident. On returning home my brother tells me that someone told him I had been in a car crash. Now luckily I had called him not too long after I went to the scene of the accident. Since he hadn't called me back while I was on the road I assume eitherI had called pretty soon after he got that info or he made the person clarify the remark, since he wasn't perturbed in any way when I came home. It's things like this that get people into trouble though.

For one thing I saw no one pass by whom I recognised, (wait I think I did glimpse Aunt Sally as I was leaving) nor did anyone signal to me, and only one person (a guy) actually stopped and came out of his car to get the details of the story. Anything else that anyone might have conveyed would only be speculation at this point. In any case I am just happy that there was no real damage done (no heart attacks from my brother) and all parties involved settled matters amicably.

LOL, Spoke too soon

Apparently Blogger had indigestion and belched up my post. Now I'm amused. Always a silver lining to every cloud.

Stop Eating My Blogs

I did a nice blog two minutes ago about the fact that I find it difficult to share details about myself to people. I mentioned that I thought it might have been the influence of reading so many Enid Blyton books and translating what I read into rules concerning not bragging about oneself and not tattling. I even said I occasionally feel guilty for not sharing as much with friends as they do with me. On their part I figured that they might be more interested in venting sometimes than actually getting back any information and so I wasn't being secretive, just supportive. Besides, they trust me to come to them if something's important or if I just want to chit chat.

But Blogger ate it. Now I don't feel like talking. I'm off to sulk , catch you later.

Speaking up

After a conversation with a friend I wondered why I find it hard to reveal information . It could be trivia, it could be great news but I find it hard to reveal details. I don't consider myself secretive, if anything I'm quite open and approachable. But at the same time I don't like telling people my business. Possibly its a dose of British culture from so many Enid Blyton books as a child,to be viewed in the same vein as not tattling and not bragging about one's accomplishments or airing laundry (dirty or otherwise) in public.

Somehow that doesn't quite cover it . Is it a desire to be mysterious or a lack of interest in my own activities ?

Why is it bugging me you may wonder? That at least is easy. I occasionally feel guilty that when people share things with me I don't share in return or share as much. I do realise that sometimes my friends just want a sympathetic ear to vent to and do not always want to get information in return. I think that's one of my stronger points :-D My friends should also appreciate the fact that a secret is a secret and only remains that way when it is unmentioned. If something is important to me then they trust me to speak about it in my own time (at least I believe they do). So far I haven't lost any friends and the only person this seems to bug is me so I'll stop here. I think I've said enough as it is :-D

Tired and Sleepy

I want to sleeeeep. Reallly really badly. Caught myself nodding off at work yesterday. Ah well, I catch up on that stuff in my lunch hour.
Bed time now.

What century is it?

When I read the story of the Chagossians I felt such pain and sympathy for those people. The opening lines for Bob Marley's song "War" came to mind. For those unfamiliar with the song it goes like this:

"Until, the philosophy, that holds one race superior and another, inferior, is finally, and permanently, discredited, and abandoned, everywhere is war"

For me such an experience is comparbale only to the days of slavery .When our ancestors were taken forcibly from their homelands and told after returning that they had no right to steward the very lands that they had lived and died on for generations before the invaders even knew it existed. How can you not wish vengeance on those persons? At least that was the first thought.

Young children, young girls and women particularly are sold into slavery every day. That was the second thought. At the very least their land will still be their own... if they can get back there.

And what about Palestine and Israel the thought went on. Centuries of warfare. Palestine now has a government, democratically elected too, that does not recognise the right of its neighbour to exist. (Scratches head) For a second I thought we were in the 21st century, doesn't seem much different from the days of yore . Guess H.G. Wells didn't really need to do any research into time travel since we just repeat ourselves anyway.

Diego Garcia

I came across this particular piece of civil rights abuse while reading the UK Guardian. In a nutshell, the former British colony of Diego Martin lies in the Chagos Archipelago. The natives had been living there from the days of the slave trade up until the 1950s. The United States had been looking for a site to gain military advantage near the Indian Ocean. They identified a perfect spot on one of the islands near to Diego Garcia and wished to purchase it from the United Kingdom. Fine no problem.

Except....

There were some really exotic and unique flora and fauna on this particular isle. When word of the intended sale and use of the island came forward the environmentalists were outraged and managed to get the island out of harms way. However this still left the US with somewhere to place their base of operations, and Britain just a little bit poorer.

And so...

Casting around their eyes their gaze fell upon our ill fated island. It was in the right location, it was the right size & best of all it was uninhabited. Yep. Uninhabited, save for a few marginal people who could easily be removed to some convenient place. Well that's what they did.

Q.E.D. Actually

Never mind that it's illegal on top of being cruel and inhumane. So the island of Diego Garcia was secretly leased by Britain to the United States in exchange for some money and preferential trading rights.With an automatic extension to lease for 20 years after the original period expired. It was a secret because it was never cleared before the sitting parliaments and flatly denied as being inhabited to the public as well as other accountable bodies. The people of Diego Garcia were declared negligible. And then they were made negligible.

Imagine having your regular food supplies stopped from entering the country. Not immediately critical to be sure but ominous nontheless. Then armed forces enter your country and start poisoning your dogs then clubbing them to death. After that you and your family members, and everyone else's family members are packed up in some animal holding cells to be dumped on another sovereign territory many miles away.

Bad enough this happens to you, but then two separate court cases uphold the verdict that you were treated badly but basically the British Government doesn't have to deal with you. It just makes you want to go through some serious Old Testament style weeping and wailing and knashing of teeth. This month a differnt court case provided some amount of relief, the Chagossians were legally free to return to other Chagossian islands. While still not home, and still under pressure from both British and American governments not to return, it's a big step forward.

You can find out more by doing google searches for Diego Garcia, the book by John Pilger called "Freedom Next Time", the documentary by Pilger "Stealing a Nation" or http://www.infoplease.com/spot/dg.html

What a way to start a day.

Existence

I looked at the whorls of my fingerprints today. Each one unique, perfectly spaced and aligned. The white stripping skin on my right palm is old. Underneath is fresh and new. So many layers to this peeling onion. "I'll be dead one day", I thought. "I have a finite expiration date." I'm scared of dying. I'm still not comfortable with the concept of what existed before I was born. Tough luck for me. Because I am going to die one day. I better have children. My ego is unhappy that these dying cells won't have a permanent place in society, the only sure fire way to carry on is to dilute my line with someone else's genes. The half life of DNA ensures that some thing will remain. A throwback to my looks and personality maybe in another hundred years. Not the same. Not anywhere near the same as me.

I insist on my existence. hahaha. So much chaff on the wind right? Mustn't forget that one day I might want to die. Give up the struggle on a foam mattress with bed sores instead of stretch marks. A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet, but euthanasia leaves a cerasee flavour. Thanks but no thanks for the help.

"So many different layers" I thought "all of them coming from a single renewing source." But my mind wanders finding the topic too self absorbed for it's liking. The irony of a blog. A fleeting thought pursued passionately, at least while it holds interest. Will that be my fate? A name discovered by accident while on a google search for a missed deadline assignment. Who knows. Who cares. I exist in the now.

Weeks 1- 2

Bwoy, mi neva know seh two weeks coulda fly so faas. Okay so here's the brief synopsis of the first two weeks. Week one had all the expected flub ups and tongue-twisting moments you could imagine. Highlights include words like levy and aluminium, scripts with sections of words missing and lengthy news reports. Week two saw a very slight improvement in the flub ups but dramatic difference in the flow between myself and my cohost. Awkward pauses smoothing out, but I won't stress too much over that. Week three will be even better.

The early morning rising isn't as bad as I had expected. The hardest part is getting out of the bed. Once I'm up though I'm good to go. The body has made adjustments and is getting into the groove. I have to put in a power nap in the afternoons however to make this adjustment though, but all the better for me. Niggeritis produces the same effect I find :D

In other news on the home front, I'll be budgeting my new found source of income veerrrryy carefully. I still have my eye on doing a masters early next year and I know I'm definitely going to have to foot some part of that bill. We'll see whether or not it can stretch to cover going to Trinidad next year for "di real lyme" (Amazing how these things all fall within the same general part of the year)

• At some point in time I'm going to watch "Glory to Glorianna", a locally produced , directed, and starred movie but for purposes of review. I'm looking for at least two persons to accompany me on this expedition. Volunteers are expected to provide their own fare and refreshments.
• The big brother is in rehersals for another musical. This one I can already recommend without having seen a costume rehearsal. It's called "Once on this Island" and features another great Campion product in fellow blogger www.gimmeasecond.blogspot.com . Do look out for more updates on this one.
• The next two weekends are going to be pan-demonium with a beach lyme and soul searching meeting this week, then the "Mobay or bust" Summer edition lyme the following week. Allow me to be the first to sing "what happens in the party /stays in the party" as there will be no spoilers or rehashes of that event on this site.

All in all, May promises to be a month to remember :-D

Curfew

On Monday I got to test Seeker's theory that I run off solar energy.

I started working as a newsreader at a local radio station ...great :-D. I get an extra source of income and experience in my field. I have to get out of bed by 4am to make it to the station at 5am .....Not so much fun now.Having to do this Monday - Friday.... looking even worse. Being in bed by 10:30 pm to get suffiecient sleep. Draw brakes! 10:30pm :S Say it isn't so. What kind of lymer goes to bed at 10:30. Ah well, such is life.

I must say being able to welcome the dawn every day has been an unexpected bonus. We'll see what the end of this week brings. Hope I'm awake long enough to do a synopsis.

You know it's that time of year when the emptiness of the bed isn't welcoming anymore. It's just the beginning of the third month. This is a disturbing trend. To be fair it's been 8mths in real terms .Likeliest solution is to simply spend less time at home. So....who's up for a lyme?

Sweet sweet bacchanal

Carnival came and it was fun cyaan dun :-D. Started off with the usual suspects attending all the Mas Camp Friday night Fetes save one, then the Joker's Wild J'ouvert into road march, then the actual Carnival Road Parade.

In terms of ranking the Friday night fetes worked out overall as the best experience, with Road March second and J'ouvert taking bronze. Every week a group of us would fete at Mas Camp until after 2am and having a whale of a time. Occasionally we'd be joined by two or three other lymerz and just have even more fun, at times going to Island Grill for an early breakfast (or truth be told just to continue the lyme, on one occasion we even hung around looking at a car as the excuse to lyme :-D )

Road March was great pure and simple. Met up with my friends who were playing mas in the morning, then lymed with some other people roun the corner, then went back on the road and jumped for most of the route :-D Yes indeed Mummy Mel came prepared with her bag of goodies (chicken sandwiches galore and tropicana fruit drinks). Afterwards I met up with more friends on the road then planned an ice cream lyme (which went seriously over my estimated cut off time). Will do my best to play mas properly next year.

Joker's Jouvert fell down on a couple of counts but was still overall enjoyable

• Machel Montano whom I specifically went to see had performed almost exactly the same set at one of the Mas Camp fetes only a few weeks previously. But of course how often do I get to see Machel perform :-D My condolences to the poor foolish woman who thought she was prepared to dance with him on stage.
• I didn't have a Screaming Orgasm. This was a blend of various rum creams with condensed milk served with crushed ice that I had last year. The bar this year only had some rum cream liquore or Wray and Nephew rum cream, so my hopes were dashed. I'm a Sangster's and Bailey's girl.
• Silly kids started a silly fight

I definitely enjoyed myself this Carnival season , looking forward to an even better one next year.

Lymerz.com

I am officially a chronic lymer. Since last week I've been to the beach (twice :D, three if you count beach jouvert) , hosted lymes by my yard, lyming after a non-practice until 11:30, going to a parking lot/club woooo... The fun just doesn't stop. This week and the next promise to be more of the same with my favourite soca artiste performing at Joker's Wild Jouvert (di real big man, nuff said) and another beach lyme the following week.

I'm happy , can ya tell? :-D

Giving Praise

I hated getting up early in the mornings to go to morning devotions at school. In the way of all rote learning however those hymns have stuck with me more than the more complex tunes I've since learned.This short one goes back to my first prep school (I switched prep schools when I was in grade 5).

Thank you, for giving me this morning
Thank you, for giving me today
Thank you , for every new day dawning
I'll be thanking you (Ohohoh :-) )

Thank you, for all the birds and flowers
Thank you, for all the hills and trees
Thank you, for simply being with me
Lord above thank you.

Unfortunately I don't know the author of this piece. It was from a book of Caribbean School Hymns that I believe is used in many schools. A cute little orange book with some flowers on the cover.

The simplicity and beauty of hymns like these not only highlight the skills of our Caribbean writers, but illustrate the importance of the care that must be taken with institutionalized religious education. There is much more to say on this matter but I will put that in a separate post, suffice to say I am pro religious education in schools and group devotions.

Hidden Treasure

In my forays into poetry I've realized two things. First that I've always thought good poetry difficult to write and hence have stayed close to prose. Secondly, now that I've started writing I have this intense dislike of the pieces I've written. Almost as soon as I've posted I want to delete what I've written. Makes me laugh a bit though. If this act of creation or expression leaves such a bad aftertaste, I pray for any children I might have :D


Breathless laugh
Tingling skin
Sweet sweet kiss
Crazy madness
Again and again
No….no…n
Again….yes

Wait come back here
Impish heavenly delight
Laughter and kisses

Friendly touches increase in temperature,
Duration,
Pressure,
Rhythm
moving, like the same dance with the right beat
too sweet

Groaning
Vision not sensitive enough to chart feeling
Mercy! Is this me? YES

Sweet Lord how do you do this
so disgustingly easily,

Match me, reach me, tempt me
hidden treasure mine to unearth
Touch me, reach me, tempt me,
know me,
Hidden treasure half uncovered
Another day to discover
where friendship leads


M. Woodham

Inorganic

I remember how it started.
I haven't forgotten you.
at least i think so

Are you ok?
Yeah I'm cool.
wonder what you'll do

There's nothing you can change.
I can't give you hope.
you look really sad

When did we die?
Is there someone else?
how are you going to cope

I'll always have your back.
Will always care.
they say you never forget your first.

Rediscovering

It's nice to rediscover things about yourself that you hadn't remembered or had attributed to being side effects of other things. I'm rediscovering that I have restless feet. I like to move around and experiment with new ideas and things. I may run off sunlight :D but I have a definite affinity for crisp clear moonlit nights, preferably out in the open.

Being alone and quiet and hearing the world pass you by. Being alone and quiet and observing the beauty of nature, now that's even better.

Seeing the expressions on someone's face when they've found something that's nice and surprising.

Knowing you've still got "it" Whatever that's supposed to be :D

(8) Blame it on the Music (8)

I've been carrying on a torrid love affair ever since I was eleven. It's only gotten deeper since I've grown older. People often wonder why I stare off in space , and my friends say I'm obssessed but I don't care. My lover is more sensitive than a dream, tempestuous as a lightning storm , as simple as a child. With qualities like these why do you act surprised that we spend hours each day together? And stop faasing in my damn private life, it's not any of your business that I come home late almost every night.

You say it's unhealthy for a young girl like me to be so caught up but you're so wrong. I'm not promiscuous, I'm safe. You say you've seen my lover with other persons before, men and women?! To hell with them! They don't matter, never have never will. I am all that counts.

Just me. Me and my music.

Fun!

Feeling very cuddly and excited today. Going to Mas camp and then to Ring road March this evening. A good time will be had by all :-D

Tabanca

What to do , what to say? There are no words to erase the pain , no balms to soothe the spirit except time. We have plenty of that. As my aunt says "Go round, come round". If it was meant to be it will.

Have questions about my ability to retain focus and stay committed. Heh. According to Paul some of us are called to remain in one state. I don't plan on that happening though.


Let the fun and games begin.

Apathy

Apathy: the lack of emotion, motivation, or enthusiasm. Apathy is a psychological term for a state of indifference — where an individual is unresponsive or "indifferent" to aspects of emotional, social, or physical life. (www.wikipedia.org) .

I have it on good authority that apathy is more dangerous to a relationship than any STD (read KIDS) or interference from third party. Beware indeed.

Gone too soon

I miss you mummy. Love Meli.

Fitting in

At a friend's church another friend of mine commented that the way I dressed fit his sterotype of peopole who do not typically go to church. I was incidentally wearing a red sleeveless blouse and a full black skirt with black heels. Now considering that I saw other ladies dressed in similar fashion and I have worn the same outfit to my own church, I know this opinion is irrelevant :-p . It got me thinking however about the appropriate garments that should be worn on a first visit if one wants to fit in with the rest of the congregation.

Standard outfit for guys is a suit in sober colour with long sleeve shirt. Ladies, modest outfit with sleeves with minimum jewellery /makeup and avoid flambouyant colours /hairstyles.

For those who might be under more discerning eyes take note of the folllowing:

• A Bible is a definite MUST. Further the type and condition of the Bible are key indicators to your spiritual life. Examples, King James is standard Conservative, try to have some relevant passages highlighted. A Student Bible is good too, shows that you try to apply Biblical wisdom to daily life, or even better a red letter Bible to show you have a bit of money too and invest it in the right things. Make sure the Bible has that broken in look, but still presentable. Can't have anyone thinking that you've been using it to support that right back leg of the coffee table.
• Bring paper money for the collection and don't make change from the collection plate.
• When the praise and worship starts (or any section of singing actually) raise your hand and close your eyes then sway to the music. If you're really trying to create the impression that you and the big guy are good friends then don't sway, and say the words instead of singing.

There are other things that can be done but for a first visit this is pretty good. Now go out and fit in :D

UWI -Your place to find food

My beautiful campus is a very self contained spot. Two banks, Health Centre as well as Hospital, Hotel, Gym, Supermarket, Hair Salon, Post Office, and NUFF NUFF Food place. It's just as well that the gym is there since most of the places are fast food joints. The latest one is Juici Patties, which was preceeded by a Chinese Restaurant and KFC. I hear rumours that Burger King will also grace us with their presence.

Initially I wondered why on earth these places would want to come here. Didn't they realize that this was a campus with students, ie bruk pocket folk in debt too, and the staff members already were spoiled for choice with no less than 11 (eleven) food emporiums(not including the snack & juice vendors or the commissaries). Further more the campus is smack between two busy commercial areas, Papine and Liguanea, with a plethora of choice just from them alone.

Luckily I am not the CEO for these companies as I clearly have not the sense to realize how deprived these campus persons felt. To date while I have occasionally been the only customer entering KFC I have never remained the only one inside, the Chinese food place had me waiting when I checked it out, and let's not mention the lines outside of the restaurant in the case of Juici Patties.

For me the regular routine hasn't changed, I still go by Seacole commisary to get my patties and cinnamon crackers. So much for choice :D

Job wanted

I have begun actively seeking new employment. I sent in my first job application this week, which is funny considering that I've been working every summer since my first year at UWI and have been in my current position for two years, but such is life in JA. I really should have started looking for a new job from over the holidays but procrastinated waay too long. Hopefully something good will arise that won't have me moving outside of Kingston or missing out on Festival in August. Pray for me folks.

On being a mother

I went with a co-worker of mine this morning as she carried her young daughter to the day care centre. We got out of the car alright, she(the baby) looked like she wanted to cry or it could have been that her mother had taken her finger out of her mouth. In any case we went into the day care and some of her (the baby's) friends were calling to her to come and play. Everything goes smoothly until we turn to leave. Who comes strolling out with us but baby. Then the bawling starts when the grill closes. What a heart wrenching sound. It must be hard to overcome the first day of separation . It wasn't my child and I still felt bad walking away. My coworker says normally she would just run off and go play.

I assume one gets used to it. You'd have to. But Lord. Makes you consider the benefits of homeschooling.

Celebrate a year in the life of friends

Just watched Rent last night. Been dying to see the musical and still am,. The movie really tried to capture the feel of the show and did an admirable job. Had me crying a bit in the middle, but I did the same from just listening to the musical score which I've had for the last 3 years. Thanks to my companion for the evening who didn't mind me singing along during the movie :-). Umm, this movie I should mention deals with AIDS and relationships, some of which are non heterosexual. Not recommended for the typical Jamaican male :-)

Sleeper

Stayed awake to watch you sleep.
Soft breaths,
Angel in vision of repose still

Demon of thoughts.
Return my peace.
The naive simplicity
Of Innocence,

Underappreciated quality
Of youth. There was none
More willing

Than I (I thought). No
Hesitation to call
Back the slide to misery.

The misery of company.

Does she ache as I
Do at your side? I
Hope.

I. Word and letter in one.
Paired with you (I
Thought).

Other pairings out of
Thought, and mind
And stolen time.

Sleep comes now
Curled at your back.
My breath warms

The distance between
Us. (You and I again)
Softly, softly
I sleep.


M. Woodham. 2006.

Cooking with cinnamon

Yippeee :) I had cinnamon and nutmeg pancakes with honey for breakfast this morning. I am a cinnamon junkie. It's such a cool spice. A hint of it will enhance the flavour of other foods or spices, a touch has a sweetish taste and a lot tastes like hot pepper.

Query

Just a question today. Why are there so many more attractive females than males?

When I say I'm a Christian

This is the poem that I had mentioned on my friend's blog.

I AM A CHRISTIAN By Maya Angelou>>When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin.">I'm whispering "I was lost," Now I'm found and forgiven.>>When I say..."I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride. I'm>confessing that I stumble and need CHRIST to be my guide.>>When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong. I'm>professing that I'm weak and need HIS strength to carry on.>>When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success. I'm>admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.>>When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect, My>flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.>>When I say... "I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain, I>have my share of heartaches, So I call upon His name.>>When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou, I was a>simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow.>>Author ~Maya Angelou~

Likes...

Hi I'm Mel. I like reading, listening to music, dancing and lyming. Other interests include licking ice cream cones on really hot days and inciting riotous behaviour . So what do you do in your spare time?

Whew. Been a busy day. Hardly time to even scratch my ass. Have a lot of learning to do over the next two months on my section. Luckily while the songs are a bit lengthy, I've been hearing them for a long time so they'll be easier to learn. I'm looking forward to expanding my repertoire :D.

Take 2

My motto has been "to live life to the fullest without any regrets", and even when I have regrets I rationalize them as learning experiences and try not to dwell too deeply on them. Life isn't always how you want it to be though.

Some things I regret: Not telling my grandmother how much loved her and admired her strength of will. My family used to live with her after she retired. Shortly before she died she became really cranky and miserable and wouldn't brook any argument from anyone, regardless of the situation. Hated being near her or coming to visit. Out of everyone in the family I've come to realize I'm probably the most like her. The older I get and the more I learn about her, is the more I come to respect her and miss having her wisdom. REGRET #1 Thinking that an old sick woman wasn't worth my respect or attention.

I am to this day an ardent bookworm. But at least now I'm a sociable one. My mother and brother used to call me anti social for my habit of not only taking books everywhere I was going, but reading them while we were visiting other people or had guests over. Many times when my mum wanted to take me on some trip with her I would say no and then go back into whatever book I was reading. Needless to say this usually disappointed her. Took a while before I could see and then admit that I was hiding.

Truth was I really wanted to go. But I wasn't comfortable socializing with other people. It was so much easier to go off into a book and daydream about a fantastic life, not totally removed from everyday events. I wouldn't have to deal with my two left feet, or being too blunt. These bring me to REGRET #2 Letting my insecurities control how I lived.

Striving not to have any regrets has led me down a few back roads which I won't discuss here :) But I've become more the person who I dreamed about when I was young. And I did it by enjoying who I am and enjoying who other people are. I have a strong feeling that my children will do the same mistakes I did. God grant me the grace to love and trust them through all they do, even when they hurt me as I have my mum and grandmother. Give them peace.

Vex man!

I hate collecting cheques on Fridays. Fridays mean long lines, slow pace and the damned borer dem! Everytime is always the maintainance workers dem. Backside! Dem come een like wan cyansa, no, dem come een like wan damn pus bumb dat always rehappear bigga dan ever. Missis. If yu si wan yu know seh him is di reprisentative fi di hentiya harganizashan. An trus mi. Dem naaah move till dem dun. All a dem. An dem modda. An dem likkle sista weh eena basic skool. An di mangrel dawg dem.


Damn stinking Fridays :@

Daydreams

Sometimes I dream of being the Prime Minister and fixing this damn country. Being a social worker and just finding perfect homes for the abandoned and scared children in the shelters, the streets the gullies. Avenging angel against criminals at my gate with my iron pipe of justice , screaming hell and damnation in a nightgown. Dreams of power. But power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

At least that's how the proverb goes. Can't recall any happy proverbs though come to think of it. How about a positive spin on the story. One that provides balance and fairness. Dream on Mel, Dream on.

Aching Inside

At times I think I'm a well adjusted, whole person. Then those days will show up. Starts out me feeling a little restless, sometimes slightly on edge. This will just continue for the whole day and ripen into an intense feeling of aloneness.

Can't say lonely cause I'll be around other people. Can't say it's missing the ones I love cause they're right beside me. The mood can't be depressed cause we're all laughing at hysterically funny jokes. Yep. All of us, me included. Sharing one on one time with that special someone, mmhm, it's there too.

Have to wonder sometimes if I'm just cuckoo at those moments, or am I just living a facade every other moment of my life.

I think I could live with being slightly crazy. Kinda fits in with the sterotypical cool person who's sometimes edgy, in-the-circle-but-not-quite image you see alot these days. Scared out of my wits that I'm living a lie and these moments are my soul saying I've compromised living to the hilt with stability.

What say you?

Waiting to exhale

Stayed up till 2am (again :D) for another installment of Bleach. I've reached the end of the series so far now and have to wait till January 10 before the next season premieres. It got me thinking bout all the other fun things I've waited for.

1. Wheel of Time: Bk 11 by Robert Jordan - This man clearly feels that he's gonna live forever the way he drags the books out. I started reading these in 5th form yow and they came out loong before then. At least this one was actually worth the wait.
2. UWI Graduation - 4 years for the little fenky fenky slip of paper
3. Harry Potter: Bk 5 - Consistently worth the wait each year. I love the fact that the books keep getting fatter :D

Addicted to Bleach

No I'm not talking aboutbthe weapon of Mass Destruction toted by all helpers. I'm talking about the anime/ manga "Bleach". It's a must see. Up there on the list of few with Cowboy Bebop (my favourite series) , Vampire Hunter D and Ghost in the Shell. Another good one to check out is One Piece.

Mattress Troubles

My bed has a nice little sink in the middle. I avoid it when I use my bed as an exercise mat but it's great for curling up in when i want to sleep.

My brother's bed now is a whooole different ball game. For starters its actually three sofa cushions and a white tiled floor. A big improvement than the three seater couch with the big sink in the middle and the inadequate length that his feet kept hanging over. Again this was an improvement over his actual bed with the broken mattress frame, the lumpy mattress (sinking into the hole in the mattress frame) and his feet hanging over the edge of the bed.

It's always amusing to see the how far up ones face an eyebrow can reach once they step into my living room on a given morning, and spot my bro on the floor. That is if I've been kind enough to give them warning and they don't trip on the mattress.

This all started I feel not because of any actual problem with the bed, but the sheer fact of being too tired/lazy to actually make it into the bedroom. It has all the comforts, like the TV,computer and being near the fridge. Plus it's always been a habit that my mum has unsuccessfully tried for years to break for both of us.

I know for a fact that sometimes I just get too tired and fall asleep right on the couch with light and glasses on, other times I feel like I'm 11 sneaking down the stairs in my pjs to watch late night TV.

Whatever the case, I know I'll still be putting in my fair share of dents into the couch cushions.

Age ain't nothing but a number

When I was in highschool I used to think that men who hit on women 20yrs their junior were perverts. I no longer think so. I'm not talking about situations where the girl is still in her teens, that's illegal. But say a 24 year old and a 50 year old . My reasoning is that the age gap is significant for the years of experiences that each will have gained and the economic security that follows. It should not however have made the older party, be it male or female, into a dried up stick with one foot in the grave, nor be so lacking in the younger person as to make them a naive new born. Yes there will be some who are this way, but all the same the age difference shouldn't be making that much impact on the dynamic between the couple.

Who the hell cares what the rest of society wants to think.

New Year, New Blog

Happy New Year :D

Yep. it's time to look at the rest of the year and think , hmmm, now just how long will it be before everything starts going downhill again? Someone told me they like it when the new year starts off on a bad note, that way things can only progress from there. It's also equally possible for Murphy's Law to kick in and send everything towards the garbage heap though *-) . Overall there was much to be thankful for in 2005, not the least of it being able to keep part of my New Years Resolution and lose a few pounds.

This year I made no new resolutions. Some of the ones from 2004 are still unfinished, and I still have those to get through. Really and truly though I feel like I'm resolving my resolutions that I made in high school Personal Development class. You know, get a job by time I'm x age, learn to drive before x age, get married by x, you get the picture. So here's to a year of completed resolutions and fulfilled dreams. Hip, Hip, Hooraaayy!!!